Funny Anecdotes Neighbour

Let's read Funny Anecdotes

The Greenhouse
Mr. Handy was enraged when young Bob from next door began throwing stones at his greenhouse. "I'll teach you, young imp of satan!" roared the furious neighbour. "I'll teach you to throw stones at my greenhouse"
"I wish you would", said the cheeky lad. "I've had three goes and I haven't hit it yet".

Potato Chips
A keen gardener saw his neighbour planting razor-blades in his potato patch. Ever eager to learn something new, he calls over the hedge, "What are you expecting to grow Alf?"
"Chips!" was the replay.

How to meet your neighbour
The easiest way to meet your neighbours is to play the stereo full blast at 2 a.m.

At the market
Have you any idea what you want? asked the husband of his wife as she shopped..
Yeah, she answered, I want to get one of those exquisite drop-dead mink coats.
A drop-dead mink coat? asked her husband, What the devil is that?
Well, explained his wife, when we get home, the neighbour will drop dead when they see it!.

Indian war woops
A certain little lad was always playing in neighbour's back yard, much to the neighbour's irritation. One day when the boy was again rushing around in the back yard making Red Indian war whoops, the neighbour leaned out of an upstairs window and angrily yelled, 'Didn't I tell you not to let me catch you there again?'
'Yes,' called the boy, ' but you haven't caught me once yet!'

The Chiken's Egg
Jinks : I notice your neighbour doesn't let his chickens run lose any more. Why is that?
Binks : Well, I hid six eggs under a bush the other night. Next day I made sure he saw me collect the eggs.

The Umbrella
Jones : Good evening, old man. Thought I'd drop in and see about the umbrella you borrowed from me last week.
Brown : I'm sorry, I lent it to a friend of mine. Were you wanting it?
Jones : Well, not for myself, but the fellow I borrowed it from says the owner wants it.

The Party
When she reached the office, Joselle told her secretary, 'Boy, did we throw a big party outside last night'
'Really? Tell me, was that abnoxious pig neighbour of yours there?'
'Was he? That was the big party we threw outside!'

The lawn-mower
'Hello. Are you using lawn-mower this afternoon?'
'Yes, I'm afraid I am.'
'Splendid! Then you won't be wanting your tennis racket, I've broken mine!'

Vocation
Briggs : When are you going on your vocation?
Higgs : I don;t know, I;ve got to wait untill the neighbours get through using suitcase

Missing
Mr. Timpson noticed his neighbour, Mr. Simpson, searching  very hard for something in his front garden.
"Have you lost something, Mr. Simpson?" askes Mr. Timpson.
"Yes," replied Mr. Simpson. "I have missed my spectales."
Mr Timpson asked, "Where did you last see them?"
"In my sitting-room," said Mr. Simpson.
"in your sitting-room?" queried Mr Timpson. "So why are you looking for them in your garden?"
"Oh," replied Mr Simpon, ' There was more light out there!"

What time is it?
Two boys, camping out in a back-garden, wanted to know the time, so they began singing at the top of their voices.
Evantually a neighbour threw open his window and shouted down at them. "Hwy! Less noise! Don;t you know what the time is? It's three o'clock.

Barking Dog
Thompson was more than a little annoyed when a neighbour telephoned at 3 a.m. and complained, "Your dog is barking so loudly that I can;t sleep".
The neighbour hung up before he could protest.
The following morning at 3 a.m., Thompson called his nighbour and said,"I don;t have a dog".

The Running Cat
Charlie the cat was scampering all over the neighbourhood down alleys, up fire escapes, down cellars.
A lady who knew Charlie's owner knocked on his door.
"Your cat is running around like mad," she said.
"I know." said the man,"He's just been neutered and he's rushing around cancelling engagement."

Little girl
A neighbour bumped into little Diana playing in the street well after dark.
"Hello, Diana." said the neighbour." Isn;t iit time little girls were in bed?"
"I dunno." said Diana. "I haven;t got any little girls."

The cars' payment
Fred got behind in his car payments and in an effort to shame him into paying the hire-purchase company wrote : "What would you neighbours this if we came and repossessed your car?"
He wrote back:"Dear sirs. I took the matter up with my neighbours and they all reckon it would be a lousy trick.

Relation
"So you are distantly related to the family next door, are you?"
"Yes, their dog is our dog's brother."

The Widow
Worried because they hadn't heard anything for days from the widow in the neighbouring apartement, Mrs Silver said to her son. "Timmy, would you go next door and see how old Mrs Kirkland is?"

A few minutes lates, Timmy return.
"Well," asked Mrs Silver, "is she all right?"
She's fine, exept that she;s pissed at you."
"At me?" the woman exclaimed. "Whatever for?"
"She said it's none of your business how old she is."

The dropped baby
Dad : "But why did you drop your baby brother on the floor?"
Daughter : Well, the neighbour said he was a bonny bouncing baby, and I wanted to see if he really did bounce

The young father
He was a young father, wheeling the pram through the gardens while the baby was screaming its head off. "Take it easy Jason," he said calmly, 'there's nothing to fuss about."
A middle-aged woman noticed his shooting manner and marvelled at the new breed of young husbands.
When the baby screamed even louder she heard him say,
"Cool it, Jason, don't get excited, lad, cool it soon."
Touched by his gentle manner the woman leaned into the pram and cooed, "There, there, Jason, Wha't bothering you?"
"Excuse me, lady." said the father, "that's Jeremy, I'm Jason."

The new Grandmother
Carmen and Rickey had been married only three months when she gave birth to a bouncing baby boy.
The proud grandmother was stopped on the street oneday by one of her neighbours. "Hey, I see your Carmen just had a baby after only three months," smirked the neighbour.
"You surprised?" asked the new grandmother. "My Carmen is such an innocent girl, how would she know how long to carry a babby?"

The Woodland Hills
At the Woodland Hills home of Adam Hoffman, the connoisseur cat collector, a small boy's head appeared over the fence.
"Eh, Adam," said the boy in a meek voice,"could I please have my arrow back?"

"Sure," said Hoffman,"where is it?"
"I think," said the youngster," that it's in one of your cats."

A Playing House
A three-year-old boy and a five -year-old girl are playing house. Hand in hand, they knocked at the door of a neighbour's home. The neighbour opened the door, smiled, and said, "Yes, what may I do for you?"
The girl said, "We;re playing house. This is my husband, and I am his wife. Can we come in?"
Why, of course. Do come in." replied the woman. She was so enchanted by the act that she offered them lemonade and cookies.
"Thnank you!" said the boy, and they each accepted cookies and a tall glass of lemonade.
A few minutes later, the woman said, "Would you like another glas?"
"No thank you," said the girl. "We have to go now. My husband wet his pants."

The truck
A farmer gave his neighbour a lift into town. His truck was old and almost spring-less and the country roads were very rough, so there was a lot of bouncing. As they finally stop at their destination, the neighbour said, "I really do appreciate this. I hope someday I'll be able to recuperate."

How children are created
A mother carefully explained to her young daughter how children were created. She used the expression "carrying a child" instead of pregnant, but the girl seemed satisfied.
Sometime later, a terrible fire broke out in the neighbourhood, and the girl stood by watching. Here's how she described the scene to her parents : "There was this big fire, and a fireman ran into the house, and when he came out, he was pregnant."

Child duel
Nine-year-old Aron came home from the playground with a bloody nose, black eye, and torn clothing. It was obvious he'd been in a bad fight and lost. While his father was patching him up, he asked his son what happened.
"Well, dad," said Aron, "I challenged Larry to a duel, And you know, I gave him his choice of weapons."
"Uh-huh," said the father, "that seems fair."
"I know, but I never thought he'd choose his sister!"

A Tablecloth
A simple-minded chap was struggling out of his house with a big table.
His neighbour said to him, "Hello, Harry. Where are you going with that then?"
And Harry replied, "I am taking it to the draper's shop to have it measured for a new tablecloth."

Trumpet practice
"My neighbours bang on the wall at all hours," said Sam.
"Doesn't that keep you awake?" asked Bill.
"No, it hardly interferes with my trumpet practice," said Sam

The Funeral
John had been invited to the funeral of a neighbour's third wife, and, as he had attend the funerals of the first two, his own wife was surprised when he informed her he was not going this time.

"But why are you not going to this one?" asked his wife.
"Well, Mary, it's like this. I feel a bit awkward to be always accepting Bill's invitation when I never have anything of the sort to ask him back to."

Expecting a Boy
On the eve of his transfer to Rome, the Irish priest paid a visit to the Kelly, who had been childless for six years, promising to light a candle for them at the Vatican.
Thirteen years later, he returned to Iireland, dropped in on the Kellys and found nine children romping around the house.
Congratulating Mrs Kelly on her fruitfulness, the priest looked around and asked, "But where is Mrs Kelly?"
"Sean?" the haggard woman said, "Oh, he went to Rome to blow out that candle,"

New sex style
A man was telling his neighbour that he and his wife has discovered a new way of making love: back to back.

"That would be well-nigh impossible, wouldn't it?"
"Oh, we have another couple in to help us," he explained.